Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
