Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
