You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
