Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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