Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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