Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
