I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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