I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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