i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
