i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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