yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
