I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
