you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
