why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
