I looked at my own cervix.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
