hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
