It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What a dumb baby whore.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
