how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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