Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
