i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
