I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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