Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
