i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
zippers are such a cool invention
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
