Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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