Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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