she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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