fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
