Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
