just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
