Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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