just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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