Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
