I'm gonna have a badass scar
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
