i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
