we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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