i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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