It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
did i walk over a car last night?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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