I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
