you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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