I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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