Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
