He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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