you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
