i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
