There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
