Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
