K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
