when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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