He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
