I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
