somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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