Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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