so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
