my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
