Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sober January is a disaster.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
