Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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