theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I supernannyed him into submission
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
