You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
