I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
