I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i will never coherently bang her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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