yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize