You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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