Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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