So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your penis caused this!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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