I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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