I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
