the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
