just tell him i said nine months
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
